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Oh No — start here

You're away from home, something is wrong, and you may be on a machine you don't fully trust. Take a breath. The estate is built so that doing nothing for a few hours is almost always safe — backups are local-first, retention is deep, and nothing here rots in an afternoon.

Triage

flowchart TD
    start(["Something is wrong"]) --> q1{"Can you reach<br/>this wiki?"}
    q1 -- "no" --> phone["Use your phone:<br/>ntfy alert history +<br/>Tailscale app"]
    q1 -- "yes" --> q2{"Symptom?"}
    q2 -- "can't reach home" --> un["→ House unreachable"]
    q2 -- "ransomware / logins<br/>you don't recognise" --> att["→ Suspected attack"]
    q2 -- "device lost or stolen" --> lost["→ Lost or stolen device"]
    un --> ts{"Tailscale admin console:<br/>home devices last seen?"}
    ts -- "ALL offline" --> pw["Power or ISP outage.<br/>Backups self-heal — usually just wait"]
    ts -- "only ops offline" --> od["Remote access down,<br/>house fine — when-home fix"]
    ts -- "all online" --> you["Problem is your end:<br/>is YOUR Tailscale stopped?"]

(The table below carries the same triage with links, and works even if diagrams don't render on a borrowed machine.)

Symptom Go to
Can't reach home (wiki works, house doesn't) House unreachable
Ransomware note, weird logins, alerts you didn't cause Suspected attack
Laptop / tablet / phone lost or stolen Lost or stolen device

Rules for untrusted machines

  1. Your phone outranks any borrowed laptop. The ntfy app (alerts), the Tailscale app (remote network), and your password manager are already on it. Prefer the phone for anything that involves logging in.
  2. Never type primary passwords into an unknown computer. Web consoles with passkeys/2FA on your phone are acceptable; raw credentials are not.
  3. This wiki contains no secrets by design. Real credentials live in your password manager and the physical Break-Glass card. If a page here ever asks you to paste a password, someone has tampered with it — stop.
  4. Do not delete anything while stressed. Every recovery in this estate is calmer than it looks; destruction is the only unrecoverable act.

What survives what

If this is down… These still work
The whole house (power/ISP) This wiki, Google Drive dump copies, the VPS, your phone's alert history
The OptiPlex only NAS + its snapshots, this wiki, VPS
The NAS only VM dumps of the last night on Google Drive; endpoints keep local data
The VPS only Everything at home; only the public Minecraft entrance + RustDesk relay are affected